In 2023, I thought a lot about dress codes

Published on 19 December 2023

It all started when I saw a tweet (that I can no longer find) that said something along the lines of ‘I just received a wedding invite where the dress code was: the fanciest thing you already own’. I gave it a heart and scrolled on – standard – but I’ve thought about it at least twice a day ever since. Like the Western man thinking about the Roman Empire.

I think what I liked about it is that it recommended a sense of occasion without being in any way prescriptive. The fanciest thing you already own might be a ball gown, but then it might be a cool shirt you always get complimented on. It could even be a metallic boiler suit – who’s to say? 

Well, you are. That’s the point.

You’re encouraged to dress ‘fancy’ but what your interpretation of that is, is up to you – and perhaps most importantly, you’re not expected to shell out any cash on it.

It made me think about why we still have dress codes, why some of them are unspoken (great fun for neurodivergent people, I’m sure) and whether they’re even necessary today.

There are plenty of great examples of positive dress codes that encourage people to look and feel their best. The tend to be loose and not overly prescriptive. Beyonce recently encouraged people visiting her (utterly spectacular, life-changing) Renaissance tour to wear silver, which led to arenas full of shimmering fans and a very pleasing aesthetic on my Instagram feed. 

But what about the unspoken dress codes? The ones that aren’t specified on an invite.

I had to bring my 2-year-old daughter to a funeral earlier this year. It’s the first time I’ve ever had any anxiety about how to dress her. Unless otherwise specified, the unspoken dress code of attending a funeral is to be smart and sombre – ideally in black. Perhaps unsurprisingly, there aren’t a ton of all-black clothes for children, other than football kits and Halloween costumes – neither of which were viable options. I briefly considered spending an eye-watering amount of money on a designer dress for her before speaking to my mum who told me to get a grip.

In the end, she wore a navy sundress with pockets. I only mention the pockets, because one of my cousins filled them with Smarties and seeing her walking around, munching handfuls of sweets she was digging out of her dress made people laugh. I like the idea that it took them out of their grief for a moment.

We’ve seen a huge shift in office dress codes over the past 15 years. Our CEOs and tech entrepreneurs now wear hoodies and trainers to board meetings and we don’t bat an eye. But this acceptance has not yet made its way to our elected representatives.

This year in the US Senate, a previously unwritten dress code for ‘business formal’ was abolished, then reinstated, and then formalised all over the course of a week. The catalyst for this switcheroo was the Democratic Senator for Pennsylvania, John Fetterman. Fetterman – a giant of a man – is known for wearing hoodies, trainers and shorts to the Senate, in stark contrast to his colleagues.

He explained that after receiving treatment for depression, he just found it more comfortable to wear those clothes. Fair play to him, I say! But that’s not what the American Senate said, and after a short reprieve, Fetterman showed up to work the day after the new dress code was formalised wearing a suit and tie. The comments around Fetterman’s attire ranged from ‘it’s a bit unprofessional’ to ‘he’s a traitor’.

Pretty solid stuff.

This enforcement and vitriolic response made me wonder where the line is between dress code and uniform. As I write this, there’s a news story of a schoolgirl who has been excluded for wearing a skirt that is materially exactly the same as everyone else’s but was bought from a different retailer.

In 2023.

In a cost of living crisis. 

The Schoolwear Association (seems legit) says that the purpose of a uniform is to promote pride, self confidence and a sense of belonging within the student body. Surely, then, the retailer of the uniform is neither here nor there? If you want someone to feel proud, confident and included, you don’t exclude them for trying to live within their means. I also don’t see any reason for children to be policed on what kind of bags, shoes and hair accessories they can wear with their uniform. They’re children, let them wear their orange ribbons and Spiderman rucksacks!

In today’s world, we understand that there are lots of reasons someone chooses to wear the clothes that they do – be that financial, sensory or just personal preference. So perhaps it’s time for us to reassess the idea of a dress code, and make sure that – just like the original tweet, we only use them to bring inclusion to an occasion. It’s certainly time we got rid of any social rules that exist to exclude others.