In 2021, I thought a lot about Strictly Come Dancing. I thought about it on my commute from my bedroom to my laptop, I thought about it during my lockdown walks, I thought about it in between back-to-back Zoom calls. And I know this will be hard to believe, but sometimes I even thought about it during back-to-back Zoom calls.

I fantasised about foxtrots, I ruminated on the rumba, I pondered the paso doble. My head was full of syncopated sambas, sleek American smooths, and sultry salsas. My mind whirled with waltzes; I daydreamed about cheery charlestons and tempestuous tangos. I cha cha cha’ed around my kitchen, I show-danced and I slow-danced around my study, and I Argentine tango’d around my dining table. (Ok, very little of that last sentence is true, I’m just all about alliteration).

I thought a lot about the heart-warming relationships between the celebrities and professionals who appeared on last year’s series, and I wondered about how many were still in touch. It pains me to say I’m yet to reach a firm conclusion on this. In my heart, I am completely taken in and swept away by the intensity and the intimacy of it all, and feel quite certain they must all be falling in love.

My cruelly rational brain, on the other hand, is not so sure. You see, I’m now on my second season of Strictly and the uncomfortable truth of the matter is I’m hearing and seeing a lot of the same things that I heard and saw the first time round. Not only does everyone miraculously happen to be matched with exactly the person they wanted to be matched with AGAIN, but honestly none of them have EVER had a better time and they all really and truly, love every SINGLE second of it.

Every pro, every celebrity, every dance, every week.

Even the judges do it! And if I can’t trust them, who can I trust? All those superlatives are making me suspicious, unwilling as I am to admit it.

I thought a lot about who the public likes, and why. I thought about who would be in the 2021 series. I thought about how brave you have to be to face what is ultimately a very glittery popularity contest every Saturday night. I thought about how Strictly is kicking and flicking, sashaying and swirling, ever so gently, towards a slightly more representative cast of celebrities. I thought about how the British public aren’t quite keeping up.

I thought about how absolutely terrifying it must be to dance live on the telly. I marvelled about how the celebs don’t fall over, or even more obviously mess it up more often. I thought at length about my own possible routes to celebrity status, so that I too can go on Strictly. (The most viable route for me at this stage is appearing on a different reality TV show first).

I thought about Claudia’s impossibly shiny fringe, excellent outfits and witty repartee. I thought about beautiful, uncanny Tess. I reminisced about the judges – Craig’s pantomime critique, Motsi’s enthusiasm and sincerity, Shirely’s measured wisdom. I wondered if Anton would get the permanent gig.

I thought about Strictly when I was going to sleep. Sometimes, I even thought about it to help me get to sleep. Trying to remember the names of all of the celebrities and professionals from the 2020 season became a very effective way of settling the perpetual quickstep of thoughts in my mind during another weird year.

Most of all, and especially during the long, dark evenings of lockdown 3, I thought about Strictly on Saturday nights, in the gaping chasm where dancing used to be. I thought about dancing in the real-life Before Times sense when you could dance somewhere other than your kitchen, and then I thought about the substitute Strictly lockdown telly dancing that I’d come to depend on in 2020.

Until 2020 I’d never watched Strictly. I hadn’t yet mastered the art of a Proper Saturday Night In. And then covid happened. After my pandemic-imposed introduction to the shimmering, shining Strictly dance floor, I spent the next 9 months thinking about it, eagerly, impatiently awaiting its return.

September 2021 spelt the restoration of sparkly Saturday evenings sitting smiling on the sofa. At last, it was back. Finally, we could all keeeeeeeeeeep dancing again. Over the last week, I’ve thought a lot about who will win.

Today I doubt I’ll think of much else. I’m absolutely gutted for Strictly superfan AJ and Strictly first-timer Kai. What a brutal moment to have to withdraw! But the show must go on. So will it be the sweet and captivating storytellers Rose and Giovanni? Or might it be the moving, ground-breaking pairing of handsome John and Johannes?

I’ve been thinking about Rhys’ parting words as he left the competition: “Strictly makes you feel things”. I’ve been thinking about Motsi’s words from the semi-final: “Never give up on believing in people''. Strictly really is a philosophy to live by.

More than anything though, I’ve been trying not to think about how long I’m going to have to wait until the next series.

Bam ba dam bam bam bam bam, bam ba dam bam bam.

‍