In 2024, I thought a lot about

When I say I’ve thought a lot about ghosting this year, I'm not talking in a romantic or dating capacity. This is not about the fuckboys in your DMs. I mean the corporate spectre of ghosting – professional ghosting, if you will – which plagues the world of work, and consequently the mental health of the worker. 

I am a freelancer so, yes, anxiety comes with the territory. Shout out to my peers who also worry about having enough work, whilst also panicking about having too many deadlines around the same time. There’s the uncomfortability of talking rates, setting rates, bringing up scope creep so you don’t basically end up working for nothing. Budgeting can be difficult and there’s a reluctance to take holidays because you’re not just not earning during that time, you’re also spending. And don’t get me started on the fogginess surrounding tax and accounting.

But I accept all the above. For the most part, I get to work on my own terms. What I cannot accept or excuse is being professionally ghosted. And well, it sucks to be me (or in my freelance network) because ghosting is rife.

I've been ghosted by recruiters, editors, and even my own manager. My network of freelance friends has experienced this haunting hellscape too. 

But let’s keep this personal as that is very much how it feels.

The grim recruiter

Applying for gigs that you know hundreds of other applicants are going for too means getting ghosted is pretty much inevitable. It still feels shit, but it doesn’t feel personal when you’re applying to a generic email. Where things do get personal is when there's human contact: you actually speak to a person – a recruiter, who I now picture as faceless, clad in a dark robe, carrying a scythe.

You exchange emails, have a conversation with them, you might even meet them face to face. You choose relevant projects, craft your pitch, and present your work. Everything seems to be going well, and then... silence. You follow up – friendly, polite and professional, but you’re not rewarded with the same courtesy. Ghosted. And then – as if the second slap down wasn't enough – you see that same person gallivanting across the internet. Waxing lyrical about communication. Oh, the irony.

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The spooky supervisor

My experience of being ghosted in the workplace has been bizarre. I had a manager who scheduled 15-minute catch-ups once a week. This was my first role after maternity leave, so I was excited to connect with people who could hold their own heads up without my support, and could keep dribbling to a minimum. I logged on for my first meeting, tail-wagging. I waited. And waited… No show. Ok, fine. My internal monologue kicked in. 'Oh well, they must be extremely busy', I thought. But it wasn't just a one-off – they were a no-show almost every week. The little voice in my head quickly became: ‘They don’t have time for me’. Followed by: ‘Perhaps they just don’t like me? And finally: ‘I am not worth their time’. I left that place feeling isolated, and embarrassed that I cared.

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Ghosts in the machine

If that had happened in real life as opposed to behind the shield of a laptop screen the general consensus is that it would have been far worse. We don’t call that ghosting. We call it being stood up. But how different is it really?

Technology plays a big part in the ghosting epidemic. A lack of human contact breeds a lack of empathy. Is there something about it being easy to separate written communication from spoken? Do we forget that emails and messages actually come from real-life humans with feelings? Maybe. Imagine speaking to someone face-to-face, and then the next moment they acted like you weren’t there. You’d be weirded out. That’s Patrick Bateman behaviour.

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Professional purgatory

When I've been ghosted, I tell myself all sorts of stories in the absence of my ghoster telling me, well, anything at all. Their silence has led to my assumptions. And because their treatment has meant I'm in a fragile state, the things I assume are often unkind. Spiralling thoughts lead to second-guessing every interaction. This is natural. When something is unresolved, our brains tend to linger on it (a phenomenon called the Zeigarnik effect). So we continue to seek a satisfactory resolution. All this could be avoided with a ‘thanks but no thanks’ – any form of a reply is better than the silent treatment.

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Exorcising demons

Ghosting needs a rebrand. The term feels too cute – a bit silly. Stick your tongue out and wink ghost emoji. But it is serious, it takes a real mental toll. It’s hard to admit but like many of us, much of my self-worth is wrapped up in the work that I do, and this year, I’ve found myself sinking into an anxious depression that has begun to extend beyond work. Every text a friend doesn't respond to, or call that goes unanswered is anxiety-inducing. 

For anyone reading who has also wondered if they’re invisible, I see you. And for anyone reading this feeling guilty, good. Stop blaming a heaving inbox for your lack of empathy. There’s a human behind the message you’re leaving unread. Just do better.

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