For the past 5 years my friend and I have been trying to write a book. It’s going terribly. So far there’s no likeable characters, believable plots, or offers of film adaptations, merchandise and easy millions that mean we can quit our jobs.
During this time however I've read a lot about storytelling. And in doing so I’ve understood more about myself and how humans make sense of the world.
I’ve learnt that the part of the mind that reads and understands stories is the same part of the mind that reads and tries to make sense of the world. So studying story is like studying how the mind works. In story, as in life, we evaluate what we think is true, choose how we’d react, place judgements, take sides, empathise. Good stories stop being stories and start teaching us how to view, experience and understand the world.
We might never finish our book. The kids in it, including the one who we've gifted eels as pets to despite it having no relevance to the plot, may never get the zombies out of the sanatorium on a land boat powered by thought. But, finishing it is our goal. Humans are driven by goals. We often need to give our actions a start, middle and end – a narrative that gives the impression that we're moving towards something better. When we can give our actions meaning and purpose, we thrive. When we can’t, we flounder. And just as endless memes testify, it’s the journey, not the destination, that matters. If we reach our goal, we often adjust our expectations to the new level – we, ahem, ‘hedonically adapt’ – and set new goals to aim for. In doing so we get a renewed sense of purpose.
“Good stories stop being stories and start teaching us how to view, experience and understand the world.”
Because we want to stay in control of our environment, we’re constantly looking for change and things that we need to bring into our control. When change happens, our brains naturally create a cause and effect narrative. We make things seem like they’re related to make sense of them.
But in reality, lots of things happen that are out of our control. Few of us are comfortable with the amount that pure chance affects us. And that those narratives we attach are just creating an illusion of order. Assigning order gives us a sense of comfort, allowing us to relax and frett less. It helps us make our environment seem controllable (when really it's not). It helps give life, and us, a sense of meaning.
“Fundamental to successful stories, and successful lives, is the fact that we don’t passively endure the chaos that erupts around us. These events challenge us, they generate a desire. This desire makes us act. This is how change summons us to the adventure of a story.”
“If we can appreciate that we’re assessing the world from a unique and flawed viewpoint, perhaps stories can help us become more open and curious to others.”
It follows then, that everything we hold true to us – our actions, thoughts, beliefs, our sense of what is just and fair – is subjective. Our cause and effect, goal-directed realities are constructed solely from our own perspective and individual viewpoints. It's because of the sense of comfort and control our personal narratives give us, that we rarely question the reality our brain creates.
The grand illusion seems to be that each one of us is ‘right’ - despite having our own individual and subjective view of the world. We’re each the single living human that’s correct. So we often choose to identify, endorse, defend and live by our chosen ideas, and reject those which contradict our view of the world. When our minds are made up – our narratives are set – they become harder to change and we spend more time defending them.
But because all reality is unique to us individually, there can be no absolute truth. So our thinking is inevitably distorted. We defend our subjective model of world with flawed biases because they align with the stories we tell ourselves. And because they appear real to us, we’re often poor at detecting our own subjectivity.
But if we can appreciate that we’re assessing the world from a unique and flawed viewpoint, perhaps stories can help us become more open and curious to others.
We are each experiencing reality in our own way. We are the lead character in our own story. But when we experience other people’s stories, we enter the minds of other characters. We experience events, feel what they feel, understand them. We can empathise with different races, classes, sexes, nationalities. We can root for characters who act in ways we wouldn’t. We step out of our minds and into others.
Author Malcolm Gladwell says what he’s looking for in the things he reads, ‘... is a kind of invitation to empathy. A way of appreciating someone else's perspective.”
10 per cent happier podcast #486
Understanding stories, investing in characters and listening to other perspectives, can encourage us to change and grow. It can help us realise that there are many ways we can choose to react to life.
And each time we’re challenged, surprised, confused, conflicted, we can gain the courage to re-examine ourselves. Through the discomfort of doubt, we get to question our own viewpoints.
In being challenged and feeling unsure, we can understand that there are other narratives happening within other people – our mind is not the only mind. These subjective narratives are in all of us. And just as we think our reality is valid, that other characters, other humans, way of experiencing the world is also valid. It may not be that we're convinced by another's view, but we can come away different, with a deeper, more nuanced understanding of their position. It can help us be curious and expand our perspective.
Author George Saunders explains:
“...before I read a story, I’m in a state of knowing, of being fairly sure. My life has led me to a certain place and I’m contentedly resting there. Then, here comes the story, and I’m slightly undone, in a good way. Not so sure anymore, of my views…
Fiction helps us remember that everything remains to be seen.”
‘A swim in a pond in the rain’, 2021
I've learnt that stories can give us an opportunity to alter our minds, be more open, see the world in different, more interesting ways, become more curious, be challenged, be more understanding, connect with and accept others. And at a time of war, economic recession and political division, maybe these qualities are more important than ever. Maybe we can use story to help us be more connected to others and lead a more meaningful life.
This is the first one!
Thank you for reading! Merry Christmas! 🎄