“They tell us growth happens outside our comfort zone and my goodness am I uncomfortable! Our baby girl is 3 months old, our son is almost 3 years old and I am desperately trying to look after clients whilst my husband cares for our daughter.”
They tell us growth happens outside our comfort zone and my goodness am I uncomfortable! As I write this, our baby girl is 3 months old, our son is almost 3 years old and I am desperately trying to look after clients whilst my husband cares for our daughter.
Instead of going to baby massage classes or hanging out with NCT mums which aren’t my bag anyway (I have no desire to make new friends, I can barely keep up with the old ones!) I’m checking in with clients and connections. My breaks during work days consist of WhatsApp messages from my husband that say “boobies please!” (Once upon a time those messages would have been a precursor to something very different but that’s another story…) I even use my baby as a lead magnet, sneaking her into lunches, meetings, photoshoots and board meetings.
That’s led to some interesting stories, such as the time I was breastfeeding in a client meeting and the client ended up eye-to-eye with a tiny smidge of nipple that was left hanging free. Or the time I got baby poo on a client’s very expensive padded car seat (thank god for water wipes – they can get anything out!)
Of course I insist on some rules. I always ask if it’s okay to bring her. If I get even the faintest whiff of giving that person the ick, we rearrange for another day. I clearly set my boundaries – if she’s crying and hellish, we leave. And finally – and no one knows this but you, dear reader – I have a good strong word with myself. To remind myself not to worry what others think because this is what I have always dreamt of – to work flexibly.
"Once I was breastfeeding in a client meeting and the client ended up eye-to-eye with a tiny smidge of nipple that was left hanging free. Another time I got baby poo on a client’s very expensive padded car seat (thank god for water wipes!)"
Still, it’s not easy. Even writing, ‘I’m working whilst my husband cares for our daughter’ fills me with guilt. Guilt that he is looking after her. Guilt that I, as her mum, have chosen to work over being with her. Sometimes it feels deeper than guilt, it feels cellular. Even when I am with her, breastfeeding her, living in the closest bond that I will ever have with her, I am checking my emails, ensuring all my clients are tended to, making sure I haven’t dropped a ball and feeling guilt, guilt, guilt wherever I look.
But here’s the thing. The business is important to me because it’s totally mine. And not in a ‘my precious’ way but in an ‘I accomplished something successful and it’s working’ way. It came along before my kids and I will always protect it as fiercely as my own children.
Perhaps I am feeling this way because I know she is our last. Holding tightly onto something that is more than motherhood, it’s a piece of myself that I get to keep. Or perhaps I am overthinking it and should just embrace who I am, someone that likes to spin plates.
Either way I have to keep reminding myself that everything is a phase and this too shall pass. Never has a sentence felt so bittersweet.
So 2023, you’ve been brilliant – and horrific – but that is the way it is with life. I will continue to overthink and worry but I am doing it all with love in my heart and happiness on my side. And that’s all any of us can do, really. I hope this insight makes you smile – or even gives you just the tiniest lift.
This is the first one!
Thank you for reading! Merry Christmas! 🎄